David Limbaugh sets up Brit Hume for the spike against Trump

Author and syndicated columnist David Limbaugh went back and forth with Donald Trump supporters on Twitter today, arguing that the idea that Ted Cruz was somehow trying to steal the election from Trump by attempting to win 1,237 delegates was “entitlement thinking.”Eventually he’d had enough of arguing.

That’s French for “BOOM.”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/20/david-limbaugh-sets-up-brit-hume-for-the-spike-against-trump/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/20/david-limbaugh-sets-up-brit-hume-for-the-spike-against-trump/


A letter to … my father, who I can’t stand to be around when he’s drunk

The letter you always wanted to write

I always felt foolish saying the words: “My father is an alcoholic.” You really weren’t drinking that much, but when you were drunk and started ranting – at society and incompetent politicians, at everything that annoyed you – my skin prickled with fear and all I wanted was to run away: from you, from a home that felt unsafe, from the verbal abuse and the threat of physical violence that never broke out, but which filled our flat like a vile smell.

A little later, your marriage breaks down, and I leave for university. Over the course of almost eight years, our relationship changes. You visit every so often, but I still hate to be around you when you get drunk. My boyfriend watches you drink two litres of beer with a single meal, then drive a car. He’s incredulous.

I’m glad you’re part of my life, but I worry about you almost non-stop. You get diagnosed with diabetes; patches of your skin turn black. One morning not so very long ago, I stand at a bus stop and listen to some music. My phone picks a shanty-song about a bunch of Vikings attending the funeral of a friend, a sad song that you like a lot. Without warning, a brutal thought cracks into my head: if you keep going the way you are, I will have to play this song for your funeral in a few years.

Then, one lazy Saturday morning just before I was due to go away for a few weeks, the phone rings – it’s you. You’re very composed and tell me: “I’m at the hospital. Please don’t worry.” I sit bold upright, thinking: “What has the alcohol done to you now?” My heart beats like a drum, but I manage to understand what you tell me. You have decided to stop drinking. A few days ago, you admitted yourself to a detox programme.

I’m dumbstruck. A few minutes later, my boyfriend finds me crying uncontrollably with relief and the bottled-up pain of being the daughter of an alcoholic for many years. Two days later, I visit you in the clinic. I need to see you before I leave for my trip and tell you that I will support you.

Since then, our relationship has healed. I got to know the man you really are: kind and considerate, intelligent, a joy to talk to, a rock to turn to when life gets tumultuous. We became friends. You rekindled your relationship with your first daughter, and recently, I met my half-sister and her family for the first time.

I can hardly believe how well things have turned out. Sometimes, that makes me sad. I wonder what my life could have been like, growing up with you for a father, instead of with the man that let alcohol strip away all the goodness from him.

It has been over a year since you stopped drinking, and I am proud of you beyond words. And yet, there are moments when I feel as if I am living in a dream. A part of me still mistrusts our newfound happiness and wonders, what if it doesn’t last? What if, some day, I call you and the old aggressiveness is back, the old impatience to find something to drink, the old dismissiveness of almost everyone but you? I’m scared of that day. How I would cope with the pain of losing you, I cannot tell.

Please don’t take yourself away from me again.

Yours, loving, your daughter.


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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/19/a-letter-to-my-father-who-i-cant-stand-to-be-around-when-hes-drunk/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/19/a-letter-to-my-father-who-i-cant-stand-to-be-around-when-hes-drunk/

9 Cute Sister Dates You Need To Go On With Your Other Half This Fall

Fall is such a cozy season. As the weather outside gets cooler, we surround ourselves with things that keep us warm, like lattes, bonfires, pumpkin pie, and most especially, family. Nothing makes us feel more prepared to take on fall than planning cutedates to go on with your sister, especially if she happens to double as your best friend.

The change of the seasons is truly so muchbetter when you have a partner in crime to check seasonal activities off your bucket list with. I’m already in the spirit, TBH. Here are nine fun ideas for activities when you’re looking for the perfect sister hang this season.

1. Buy School Supplies At A Discount

Even if you’re not in school anymore, everyone loves shopping for new pens and notebooks. Take advantage of the back to school sales to restock all of your favorite school supplies for your school or work desk. You and your sister can take a cue from Joe Fox in and buy each other a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils.

2. Go Apple Picking For Baking Fun

Sure, everyone is going pumpkin picking this fall, but apples are in season, too, and it’s just as fun to pick them. There are so many delicious fall faves you can make with apples, like apple pies, apple cider, apple crumble, and apple fritters. Your apple picking adventure with your sis can easily transition into a fun baking party later on.

3. Go On A Haunted Hayride

Halloween is right around the corner, so you and your sister can get your spook on by going on a haunted hayride. You’ll feel a little bit more comforted when you guys have each other to hold onto. It’ll be scary at first, but then you’ll spend the rest of the night laughing at how your sister jumped five feet in the air screaming.

4. Head Over To A Petting Zoo

Patryk Sobczak/Unsplash

Farms and fall go hand-in-hand, which is why you and your sister should find a petting zoo to visit. Spend the afternoon snacking onapple cider doughnuts and petting cute animals. You can also play my favorite game: Which sister can get the best selfie with a farm animal.

5. Go To A Carnival

You and your sis should find a local carnival for a fall hang. You can spend the day eating cotton candy, riding the Ferris wheel, and laughing at how horribly you both play carnival games.

6. Carve Pumpkins

Beth Teutschmann/Unsplash

Everyone always raves about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and pumpkin picking, but the bestpumpkin activity is actually carving one. Plan a sister date of carving your pumpkins. Pick fun characters from your favorite childhood cartoons, or the go-to jack-o-lantern face. Follow the hang with baking the seeds you carve out and eating them during a picnic in the park.

7. Go On A Scenic Hike

Nothing is more beautiful than the leaves changing colors. Now’s the perfect time to go outside and enjoy it. Nature and weather make fall a perfect time for you and your sister to go on a hike. You could even turn your outdoor adventure into a fall foliage Instagram photo session.

8. Visit A Brewery

A brewery is always a fun time with your sister, but fall is an especially great timebecause Oktoberfest beers are ready for tasting. You can try out all of the signature beers, but also any of the fun fall ones like a pumpkin beer or an oatmeal stout.

9. Watch In A Blanket Fort


My sister and I used to watch all the time when we were kids. I feel like it’s a staple of everyone’s childhood. It gets you in the mood for the spooky season. You and your sister can act like kids again by building a blanket fort, popping some popcorn, watching the fall classicand fighting over which Sanderson sister you are.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/19/9-cute-sister-dates-you-need-to-go-on-with-your-other-half-this-fall/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/19/9-cute-sister-dates-you-need-to-go-on-with-your-other-half-this-fall/

‘Burning Man for the 1%’: the desert party for the tech elite, with Eric Schmidt in a top hat

Further Future is the tech-centric, unapologetically luxurious alternative to Burning Man, complete with personal assistants, spa treatments and fine dining

A red Ferrari with the top down swerved past on the winding dirt road, headingto what looked like a small Mars encampment. Helicopters landed on the side of the road and greeters darted across. At a farmers market with overflowing baskets full of raspberries, watermelons, and focaccia, I asked for a mango, and the farmer started cutting it in half for me: Thatll be $7.

This weekend, outside Las Vegas, a group of Burning Man veterans put on a festival called Further Future, now in its second year. Across 49 acres of Native American land over three days, with around 5,000 attendees, the event was the epitome of a new trend of so-called transformational festivals that are drawing technologists for whats billed as a mix of fun and education. While tickets started at $350, many attendees opted for upgrades to fully staffed accommodation and fine dining.

While Burning Mans hidden luxury camps on the edge of town are criticized by old time Burners who value labor on the desert, Further Future is a splinter group thats unapologetic about wanting a good, hard-labor-free time. Unabashed luxury, the website reads. Burners are judged for using Wi-Fi or having private chefs; Further Future advertises its connectivity and personal festival assistant service. Nobu hosted a $250-a-seat dinner on the first night of the festival. Partiers included Eric Schmidt, executive chairman of Alphabet; Clear Channel CEO Bob Pittman; and top Facebook executive Stan Chudnovsky.

Further Future festival: Were shaping the future. Photograph: Tomas Loewy for the Guardian

Its the Burning Man 1%, said Charles, a documentary filmmaker with spikes pierced through his ears and a brainwave meditation startup. Its curated.

Eric Schmidt was backstage leaning against a tower of pallets and wearing an ornate top hat and a vest made of mirrors. He said he was at Further Future mostly because these were his friends.

Its well documented that I go to Burning Man. The futures driven by people with an alternative world view. You never know where youll find ideas.

This was the cream of the Burning Man crop, he said.

This is a high percentage of San Francisco entrepreneurs, and they tend to be winners. Its a curated, self-selected group of adults who have jobs, Schmidt said. You can tell by the percentage of trailers.

Did they provide the costume for him?

My own, of course. What do you think of it? he pressed the glass panels and smiled.

Top of the crop: Eric Schmidt in his party hat. Photograph: Tomas Loewy for the Guardian

Party planners at Burning Man are careful to hide their luxury dwellings behind large walls dressed as art projects, but Further Future had no such pretension. Behind a chain-link fence was the VIP neighborhood with airstreams ($5,000) and Lunar Palaces ($7,500) 200 sq ft, 9ft high, custom-made luxury domes with wooden flooring and furnished to sleep four. These included something called an entourage concierge a personal, dedicated lifestyle manager and assistant ready to help you with any requirements or desires you may have. No request is ever unattainable. The lifestyle assistant, who makes sure you have the soap you like, will work with you on everything from the green juice you enjoy every morning to the old-fashioned cocktail you sip on in the evenings.

In a shipping container converted to control room, I found Russell Ward, the general show runner and publicist whos the mastermind behind the most popular transformational festivals.

This is top-league networking and business folks are all here in the guise of having fun. Its designed around the music, but its about the business, Ward said. A ton of business will get done here. Entrepreneurs will get funded, investors will find their trajectories, service companies will meet and mix it up.

Before running the tech worlds hot new trend, Ward had an online gaming hedge fund. The problem was it got hairy. Its a dodgy industry, he said. We werent doing anything illegal, but we got raided by the government, and I got spooked. So I had to decide where to plant my next seed, and I found this knack for festivals.

The aesthetic of the festival was steampunk futurism (latex underwear, fur coats, platform boots, metal headpieces). Ward was wearing a Hawaiian tank top, clear Gucci sunglasses, and a silver-coated bobcat claw on a chain.

Burning Man, and we have great reverence for Burning Man, but theres always an element of arduousness. Here, we have spa treatments and green juice, he said. Theres already enough in life thats tough.

Further Future is only one of several transformations Ward runs, and they all overlap somewhat, especially MaiTai, the billionaire kiteboarding community centered around Virgin founder Richard Bransons island. Kiteboarding is the new golf, Ward said. Everyones doing it. Branson, Elon, Sergey.

Justin Shaffer, an early Facebook employee and now an investor, says he wants Further Future to answer a new set of questions: What happens post-capitalism? Even post-democracy? What about post-employment, when we have universal basic income?

Physical proximity will become more important in a world where the first time you see the pyramids is in VR.

Keeping fit at Further Future. Photograph: Tomas Loewy for the Guardian

In the Wellness Tent, theres a fitness class with people jumping up and down in unison. Nearby, one woman advertises psychiatric services as tools and technology broken down for busy professionals. Another advertises smudgie aura cleansing. To the side of the main wellness stage, a man is getting a transfusion in his arm from a bright yellow bag of fluid (a liter of saline and vitamins called Push IV). The patient reclines, half asleep, until someone accidentally knocks the bag over, jolting the needle in his arm.

An espresso line stretches 45 minutes long for lavender lattes.

During a wellness panel on Adventure Travel: Journey As Wellness, someone asks the instructor Fabian Piorkowski about privilege.

Were so privileged to come to these spiritual places Further Future, Tulum but not everyone can, the audience member says, asking Piorkowski how he should reconcile that.

Its all about balance. We are the ones meant to be the air, not the earth, Piorkowski said. So you have this group who can travel. The purpose can never be to enable everyone to travel because that would create imbalance.

On stage, entrepreneur Loc Le Meur is wearing a whole fox as a headpiece and interviewing Schmidt, who answers questions about blockchain (hes for it), eugenics (hes opposed), and cellphones (hes worried about addiction). Schmidt is beloved.

The woman behind me shouts that he should run for president. Someone else says: Marry me, Eric. It was his birthday just a couple of days before, and everyone sings Happy Birthday. At dinner that night, everyone gets a slice of birthday cake.

Entrepreneur Loc Le Meur on stage with fellow entrepreneur Gary Mueller. Photograph: Tomas Loewy for the Guardian

Schmidt sat on the floor, smiling, his eyes almost closed. The dinner party included a beer tasting, and the bartender was frustrated because the foie gras torchon was too fatty for a proper beer pairing. Schmidt and his pack headed out into the night.

Robert Scott, the 42-year-old cofounder of the festival, said you dont need to sweat to have an epiphany.

Theres a lot of ways to find an epiphany. Being in the desert under hard conditions is one way to bring yourself into a receptive state, I suppose, but here, all these things are putting you in the same place gently, he said.

We sat at a table after a rainstorm, his shaggy brown hair disheveled.

Its important what we do here, Scott said. Thats what we keep saying. Were shaping the future. These are the people who not only can do it, but these are the only people who can.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/burning-man-for-the-1-the-desert-party-for-the-tech-elite-with-eric-schmidt-in-a-top-hat/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/burning-man-for-the-1-the-desert-party-for-the-tech-elite-with-eric-schmidt-in-a-top-hat/

Two Buildings Were Having an All-Out Post-It War Until This Happened

It all began with a simple “hi” (6th floor, 3 windows from the left). An employee at Harrison and Star at 75 Varick Street in New York city put up the innocent greeting, not knowing if anyone would respond.

Photograph by Paul Vinod (@Vinvox)

Shortly thereafter a “Sup” appeared from the building across the street at 200 Hudson.

Both buildings in the Tribeca neighborhood boast a number of marketing and media agencies as their tenants and it didn’t take long for everyone to get in on the action.

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph via AdWeek

Photograph via New York Post

Horizon Media, Cake Group, Biolumina, Harrison and Star, Getty Images and Heartbeat Ideas all got in on the action. The agencies of 200 Hudson and 75 Varick were in an all out war. Even the Post-It manufacturer, 3M, got involved; supplying free Post-It notes for both buildings.

And then one night, under the cover or darkness, Havas Worldwide ended the battle in one fell swoop.

Photograph by u/FUNKYDISCO

According to the building supervisor for Havas Worldwide, a few of the company’s graphic designers rendered the building and laid out exactly how the giant “mic drop” should be placed in each window pane.

Then a group of co-workers stayed late one night with beer and pizza and executed the design floor by floor. Sadly, the building managers were not as impressed and have ordered a ceasefire and told all participants to have everything taken down by this weekend.

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/craftBK

Photograph by u/FUNKYDISCO

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/two-buildings-were-having-an-all-out-post-it-war-until-this-happened/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/two-buildings-were-having-an-all-out-post-it-war-until-this-happened/

Behold, The Most Trumpian Statement Of The Election Yet

Donald Trump’s ego has no bounds.

He is the Earth. He is the Sun. He is therefore the source of energy for the hops and barley used to brew beer. It is only with such airtight reasoning that one would take credit for the fact that Budweiser is planning to rename its eponymous beer “America” from May 23 through the election in November.

But that’s what the presumptive Republican presidential nominee did when he phoned into Fox News’ “Fox and Friends” on Wednesday morning, setting up one of the most Trumpian statements of the election yet:

The marketing ploy does, however, resemble some of Trump’s brazen tactics. The brash businessman regularly bashes Mexico and China while selling garments produced there, for example.

And Budweiser isn’t even owned by an American company anymore; Anheuser-Busch, its brewer, is now owned by Belgium-based company InBev.

Editor’s note: Donald Trump regularly incites political violence and is a serial liarrampant xenophoberacistmisogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/behold-the-most-trumpian-statement-of-the-election-yet/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/behold-the-most-trumpian-statement-of-the-election-yet/

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.


Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.


Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.


Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.



Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.


Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

Man dancing his heart out gets an equally funky Photoshop battle

The best part of any wedding is on the dance floor.

Reddit’s r/pics was recently blessed with this photo of a man, dancing his ass off with beer in hand at a wedding. “My friend went to a wedding. Someone took this. Enjoy, internet,” the caption reads.

Oh boy, did the internet enjoy.

Like any hilarious photo submitted to the internet, this party animal just begged to be Photoshopped. Reddit’s r/PhotoshopBattles took care of the rest.

The military just got way cooler.

Image: funny-lookin-stain/Reddit

He needed to be GIF’d.

Image: 2Thebreezes/reddit

Somewhere in an alternate universe

Image: funny-lookin-stain/reddit

Cmatthewman dubbed this “Partycus.”

Image: Cmatthewman/reddit

Someone placed him into the dancing scene from Pulp Fiction.

Image: -doitforjohnny-/reddit

And the one from Titanic.

Image: Smilax/reddit

There’s always that one dude at work.

Image: artunitinc/reddit

The work over at r/PhotoshopBattles is getting really impressive.

Image: munchboy/reddit

But the weirdness still remains.

Image: -WPD-/reddit

Real weird.

Image: Mack3nz13/reddit

This is a much better atmosphere for this man.

Image: PoW12/reddit

A classic.

Image: vinceslas/reddit

Ain’t no party like a space party.

Image: HuskieMuffenz/reddit

Everyone needs a little bit of help.

Image: BringFiretothePeople/reddit

BONUS: NBD, just a massive alligator out for a stroll

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/man-dancing-his-heart-out-gets-an-equally-funky-photoshop-battle/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/man-dancing-his-heart-out-gets-an-equally-funky-photoshop-battle/

Women Are Often Ignored In The Conversation On Criminal Justice Reform

For all the popularity of, women in prisons are often not given enough attention, according to experts on the topic.

Criminal justice reform may have been a buzzword recently, but problems specific to female prisoners including mental health, drug problems, and motherhood just haven’t been talked about enough. We have to do a better job specifically thinking about women in jails and their needs.

To understand the specifics better, I spoke with Liz Swavola from the Vera Instituteof Justice, Topeka Sam from The Ladies of Hope Ministries and the National Council for Incarcerated and Formerly Incarcerated Women, and Georgia Lerner from the Women’s Prison Association, for interviews with Elite Daily.

These womenall participated in Women Unshackled, a forum hosted by the Justice Action Network and the Brennan Center for Justice at the Newseum in Washington D.C. on Tuesday, July 18.

The day-long forum featured experts on female incarceration, former inmates, and several politicians, including Senators Cory Booker and Kamala Harris and Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin.

The country isat a place where criminal justice reform is a bipartisan concern.Former President Barack Obama made criminal justicea specific focus of his presidency, but as awareness and discussions about policy change were raised, women are often left out of the conversation.

The female jailpopulation increased by 14-fold from 1970 to 2014, theVera Institute of Justice found in a 2016 report, which is a crazy amount. Women in jailare disproportionately women of color and many are poor and low income.

We need to be smarter, Sen. Harris said in remarks at the event on Tuesday. And so let’s think about how we can, in being smarter, reevaluate what we are doing and think about how we are treating women in the system before, during, and after incarceration.

Women in prisons have much different life experiences than men,Georgia Lerner, executive director of the Women’s Prison Association, explains to me.

Female inmates have much higher rates of mental health problems and mental illness, as well as substance abuse problems, research has shown. Other risk factors for women include parental stress and unsafe housing.

Moreover, female inmates show high levels of experiences of trauma. 98 percent of female inmates experienced trauma in a 2005 Northwestern University study.

Prior trauma is a risk factor that we do not see as having an impact on men, Lerner says.

That past trauma can lead to the offenses that land them in jail. For instance, 24 percent of female prisoners were convicted of drug offenses, compared to 15 percent of male prisoners, according to the Sentencing Project. Drug use can be a way to cope with the significant trauma they’ve experienced, explainsElizabeth Swavola of the Vera Institute.

So rather than incarcerate women who have experienced trauma, advocates argue that there should be community and rehabilitation programs.

We really need to support community-based efforts over incarceration, Swavola says.

Incarceration does not rehabilitate,Topeka Sam,founder of The Ladies of Hope Ministries (LOHM) tells me. Rehabilitation would address mental health issues, substance abuse, and trauma.

In fact, incarceration can arguably make trauma worse.

When you think about the jail environment, it would be impossible for it to not re-traumatize women, Swavola says. This is because of things like shackling, male supervision, and body searches, on top of being in a chaotic environment.

Meanwhile, among female inmates, there is the issue of motherhood.

Nearly 80 percent of jailed women are mothers, and most are single parents, the Vera Institute found. There are more primary caregivers to young children among female prisonersthan male.

Sam, who has herself been incarcerated, tells me she knew a woman in prison who was scared for her baby daughter. The daughter was being cared for by her mother who was on heroin, Sam says. But she also didn’t want the state to take her daughter because she was worried she would lose touch with her.

It was devastating, Sam says and stories like that are why she started her advocacy work but it isn’tuncommon for an incarcerated woman to have worries over children outside.

Incarcerated mothers can be taken hundreds of miles away from families so visits are basically made impossible and calls home cost money. Children can face abandonment issues with mothers in jail, and they can be left in at-risk households.

Often they’re in the exact same settings where there’s risks that were the same risks for their mother, Lerner says. So it’s not just an adverse effect on women, but on future generations.

And this doesn’t even begin to touch on pregnancy in prisons.

Overall, the experts I spoke with agreeit’s not about improving prison conditions but about limiting the number of women sent to prison in the first place.

While efforts to improve conditions including the Dignity for Incarcerated Women Act are helpful steps, they don’t address the root problem of mass incarceration.

The best solution to the gender-specific problems women face in prison is to not to send them there at all, Sam says. If a woman has a substance abuse problem or has faced trauma, she needs treatment, not incarceration, saysSam. And being in prison doesn’t help a womanto be a better mother.

It’s unrealistic to think that prisons are going to become mental health hospitals or schools or excellent health care providers, Lerner says. I don’t think we can do better with the number of people we’re sending to prisons, so we need to be thoughtful about the women we’re sending in the first place.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/women-are-often-ignored-in-the-conversation-on-criminal-justice-reform/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/women-are-often-ignored-in-the-conversation-on-criminal-justice-reform/

Why Real Men Drink Whatever The Hell They Want

Everyone loves fruity drinks. It’s just a fact. And what’s not to love? They’re tasty, sweet and colorful, and they usually come with a dope little umbrella you can save as a souvenir.

Guysespecially love fruity drinks. Whatman wouldn’t order a gimlet or a lemon drop martini if he knew he wouldn’t be judged by less confident males?

Sigh. It’s such a shame that so many menseemingly care so much about what others might think.

But what they don’t realize is that drinking fruity cocktails isn’t lame it’s actually a sign of confidence. For starters, who doesn’t like fruit? Is eating an apple or an orange frowned upon? I think not.

When a man is confident enough to order something tasty, he’s sure to draw attention from the ladies around him. And it’s not solely what’s in the drink that sparks intrigue. It’s thathe has the panache to pull it off with style.

A man who drinks fruity cocktails is a man who knows who he is and embraces all parts of his personality. No guy should feel ashamed for loving a drink that is delicious. No man should be forced to stare enviously at his girlfriend’s vanilla martini, all because he ordered something ‘society’ would approve of.

Enough with the nonsense! Fruity drinks are better, and it’s time we all acknowledged it. Here’s why a real man goes against the crowd and orders whatever the hell he wants.

Because a real man knows what he likes.

A real man is not going to order a whiskey on the rocks just because he has a Y chromosome. That’s absurd. If he likes cosmos, daiquiris or vodka cranberries, he will order just that.

If a man is drinking a beer that he doesn’tenjoyjust because he thinks that’s what men do, then I have some news for you: He’s not a real man, and he has some soul-searching ahead of him.

If a guy happens to really dig a vodka on the rocks or an earthy whiskey, then that’s all fine and well. The point is that a real man drinks what he wants to drink not what he’s supposed to drink.

No one tells a real man what he’s into.

Because a real man is confident.

There is one quality that separates real men from the rest of the competition: confidence. I’m talking about genuine confidence, the type that comes from within and cannot be faked.

The confident man willmarch directly to the bar with zero fear and order the STOLIBlueberry Lemonadehe’s had a hankering for all day. He won’t try to cover his tracks by saying it’s for his girlfriend, and he won’ttry to hide it behind the bar.

He’s going to sip that drink with pride and love every second of it because it’s DELICIOUS.

Real men drink fruity drinks because real men have the confidence to do whatever they want.

Because a real man doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

Some men may not realize it, but women want to date guys who order fruity cocktails. Why? Because we know that a manwho orders a fruity cocktail knows what he’s doing in life.

A real man orders whatever damn drink he wants because he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. The only opinion that matters is his and his alone. It’s this carefree attitude that attractsothers and makes him so effortlessly cool.

This special kind of guy knows what he’s looking for. He’s not scared of anyone because he doesn’t even think about being judged.

Bottom line: He wins at life.

Because a real man has swagger.

Manyguys won’torder certain cocktails because they’re afraid they won’t get away with it. And that’s sadly the case for a majority of them.

But when a guy has swagger, whatever he does is sexy AF. Whether he’s chopping wood with his shirt off outside of his cabin in the woods not that I’ve ever had that fantasy or anything or sipping a blood orangemartini, he’s going to look as delicious as the drink he’s grippingin his right hand.

A real man has the swagger to disregard sillynotions of what a guy should drink. He changes the language. Society be damned.

Because a real man doesn’tequate color with masculinity.

A confident man would never equate a certain color with being tough or strong. And that’s particularly true of his drink order.

If more men had the courage to order whatever the hell they wanted, we’d all be happier people.Who knows what we could accomplish if men were less concerned with how they’re perceived and more tuned in to what they actually want.

If a man drinks fruity cocktailsand doesn’t care who knows it, he’s 100 percent securein his manhood. Life is too short for little boys who throw back whiskey because they’re afraid to be themselves. Go for men who approach life with acolorful outlook.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/17/why-real-men-drink-whatever-the-hell-they-want/

Source: https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/17/why-real-men-drink-whatever-the-hell-they-want/